Fri, September 12, 2025

Supporting and Raising High-Achieving/Gifted Students in New York City

By: Samantha Gabrielli Head of Lower School and Paul Deards Deputy Head of School, Speyer School

The energy of New York City is one of its own. The city that never sleeps creates a momentum that transfers to all facets of our lives, including raising children. Living at a time when the mental health of youth is a pressing concern, it can be hard to know how best to help our children fulfill their potential without it coming at a cost. The Big Apple’s vitality gives way to many opportunities for parents to develop the very best in their children. However, the same drive to achieve can sometimes obscure the ultimate goal: raising well-rounded, emotionally healthy individuals.

In a city that churns out high achievers, how do we help our children go for everything at their fingertips while ensuring they maintain balance? Understanding the nuances of high achievement in children is the first step. This is especially important when the child is a gifted learner.

Identifying giftedness: beyond academics

Parents frequently ask, “How do I know if my child is gifted?” Giftedness doesn’t always present in obvious ways, and a child is rarely exceptional in every area. Some might show an early fascination with numbers or language, while others may possess an innate musical ability or create complex narratives in their play. If your child’s questions or interactions with the world make you pause and think, “I never saw it that way,” that’s a clue.

Gifted children aren’t a monolithic group. They might be introverted, extroverted, highly sensitive, or quirky in ways that defy traditional labels. They could be advanced in one subject while struggling in another. Giftedness often presents itself as asynchronous development, where a child’s intellectual growth outpaces their emotional or social skills. The Speyer School recognizes this and focuses on differentiated instruction, ensuring that every child is challenged in ways that suit their unique learning styles and abilities.

Finding the right learning environment

Learning environment is critical for high-achieving gifted students. Traditionally, education systems have emphasized standardized testing and grade-level expectations, but this approach can feel restrictive and frustrating for gifted children. A school designed for gifted learners—whether a private school like Speyer or one of the city’s public gifted programs—does more than simply accelerate the pace. It provides opportunities for deep exploration, allowing students to dive into their interests while being supported emotionally and socially.

Parents should seek schools emphasizing talent development rather than just accelerating through the curriculum. A child may be exceptionally strong in a particular subject but need help in another, and a supportive school will recognize and nurture both aspects. In these settings, students are encouraged to take ownership of their learning, driven by curiosity rather than the pressure to perform.

Embracing boredom and intrinsic motivation

One of the most powerful tools for fostering creativity and critical thinking in gifted children is an often-overlooked resource: boredom. In today’s highly scheduled world, filling every moment with structured activities is tempting, but giving children time to be bored can lead to incredible growth. Teresa Amabile, a renowned researcher on creativity, found that intrinsic motivation—where children pursue activities for their own sake, not external rewards—is at the heart of creativity. When children have unscheduled time, they are more likely to explore their own ideas, discover new interests, and engage with the world on their own terms.

The Child Mind Institute suggests that when a child says, “I’m bored,” it can mean several things. Sometimes, it’s just boredom, but it might also indicate uncertainty, discomfort, or a need for attention. Helping children identify what’s behind their boredom can open doors to understanding their emotional and intellectual needs. In the case of gifted learners, this kind of reflection fosters resilience, creativity, and problem-solving abilities.

Allowing children to sit with boredom, free from distractions like devices, can spark a deeper self-awareness. Whether they turn to building a project, creating an imaginative game, or pursuing a new interest, children will often surprise you with their creativity and resourcefulness when given the space to do so.

Whole child approach

While it’s tempting to focus on academics alone, raising a high-achieving child means addressing their social-emotional development alongside their intellectual growth. Former president of the National Association for Gifted Children, George Betts, emphasizes six essentials that support the whole gifted child:

Unconditional positive regard.
Development of self.
Emotional, social, cognitive, and physical development.
Passion learning (pursuing what you love).
Working together.
Seeking to better the world.

These essentials highlight the importance of nurturing a child’s emotional life, sense of identity, and connection to the community. It’s not enough to push for academic excellence; gifted learners need to feel seen, heard, and valued as people, not just achievers. When children believe they are loved and accepted no matter what, they develop the fearlessness to pursue their greatest goals and the resilience to see them through.

At schools like ours, this balance is carefully maintained. Teachers are trained not only to challenge students academically but also to guide them through the emotional and social complexities of being a gifted learner. When students feel secure in themselves, they are more likely to take risks in their learning, leading to greater growth and fulfillment.

Importance of peer community

Gifted children often feel out of place in traditional classrooms, where their intellectual curiosity may set them apart. A critical aspect of a gifted program is the community of learners it fosters. In schools for gifted children, students are surrounded by others who share their passion for learning. This sense of belonging is crucial for their social-emotional development.

There’s a saying that if your child is the smartest in the class, they might be in the wrong school. One parent shared how their sixth grader, upon entering our school, said, “I never realized you could learn math from other kids!” This sense of collaborative learning enriches academic exploration and teaches students the value of working together and learning from one another.

Schools for gifted learners should create environments where it’s cool to be curious and where passion for learning is celebrated. Whether students are delving into Greek mythology in Kindergarten, advocating for a cause they believe in, or tackling advanced subjects in middle school, they are surrounded by peers who challenge and inspire them to reach their full potential.

Encouraging self-understanding through metacognition

One of the most critical aspects of raising high-achieving children is helping them develop self-awareness about their individual learning process. By encouraging children to ask questions like “What am I thinking?” “What am I feeling?” or “How did I reach that conclusion?” Parents and educators can foster metacognitive skills that will serve kids throughout their lives.

Gifted learners are often quick to grasp complex concepts but also benefit from understanding how they arrive at those conclusions. This helps them build confidence in their abilities while recognizing areas where they can improve. Metacognition empowers students to take charge of their learning and equips them with the tools to tackle challenges with greater insight and resilience.

Preparing for the future

Ultimately, the goal of any gifted education program should be to prepare students not just for academic success but for life beyond the classroom. Schools like Speyer focus on developing well-rounded individuals who are not only high achievers but also compassionate, thoughtful members of society. By fostering both intellectual and emotional growth, these programs ensure that students are prepared to navigate the complexities of adulthood with confidence and purpose.

As you consider how to support your high-achieving child, remember that giftedness is more than academic ability. It’s about fostering a deep sense of self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and the drive to pursue what truly matters to them. With the right environment and support, gifted children can flourish, not just as students but as people.

Resources

Amabile, T. M. (1989). Growing up creative: Nurturing a lifetime of creativity. Corwin.

Brulles, D., Hébert, T., & Newsom, T. (2020). Serving the Whole Gifted Child. Washington DC; NAGC.

Miller, G. (2023, October 30). The Benefits of Boredom. Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org

Paul Deards is a career changer who has been immersed in gifted education at Speyer School for the last 14 years after working in finance for nearly twenty years. He began as a co-head Lower School teacher in 2010 and was then asked to design, build, and run Speyer’s Middle School. For the past seven years, he has served as Deputy Head of School and enjoys the honor of teaching Humanities to Speyer’s eighth grade before they graduate.

Samantha Gabrielli, Head of Lower School at the Speyer Legacy School, is an educator with over 15 years of experience. Twelve of those years were in the classroom. Since then, Sam has held curriculum and divisional leadership roles. She is currently pursuing an MS.Ed in curriculum and instruction for gifted learners and is passionate about creating opportunities for students to find their potential. Being a student is her favorite part of the job.

This article appeared in the 2025 issue of the Parents League Review. Get the current issue of the Review free with a family membership. Or purchase it separately.